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Bangladesh, early 80s |
I have realised that we have never written a post about TCKs.
Despite the fact that I (Becky) am a TCK, that our kids are growing
up as TCKs and the reason we are here in Nepal is to work with TCKs.
Some of you may be wondering what is a
TCK? Others may have already picked up on it from reading previous
news or posts where we have mentioned them. Others of you will be
sat there thinking "I know all about TCKs, I am one!"
Any ideas yet? A TCK is a Third Culture Kid. Someone who is
growing up in a culture that is not their own.
Children are influenced by their surroundings much more then adults
and in a much shorter space of time. So anything over a year or
two spent in a place that is not their "home" can have a massive
impact on their sense of identity and belonging.
The way being a TCK influences each child is very different. It depends
on their situation, their personality and a host of other
factors.
So for example I lived abroad for a relatively short period of time
as a child (4 years as a pre-schooler in Bangladesh and then 3 years
as a teenager in Sri Lanka), but I never lived anywhere longer then
4 years, even when in the UK. So I have got the itchy-feet syndrome; I don't want to settle anywhere and want to keep moving (hence
we live in Nepal). I am always looking out for opportunities to move
onto something new, always looking to the next thing. Even now we
are in Nepal, coming up on 5 years, I'd love to move onto something
else! But (don't panic if you are reading this as a member of KISC
staff) we feel this is where we should be for the time being and so
I have to come to terms with that and find a way to be settled. I
am also rubbish at keeping in touch (so don't take it personally if
you don't hear from me often), I am the sort of TCK who says
farewell to people from my very transient life and move on, out of
sight out of mind!
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Growing up in Nepal |
Others I know are quite different. My sister for example, despite
the fact that we had the same experiences in our very mobile
upbringing has done the exact opposite. She was 15 when we moved
back to the UK for the last time as children and, apart from her years at university, she still lives in the same
area where we settled then. She feels the need to be routed in one place now. She still gets itchy feet to some extent, but is satisfied with regular holidays abroad. She is also the opposite to me with friends and
keeping in touch. She always found it harder to transition then me,
but is then much better at keeping in touch with old friends after
we have left a place.
I think there are pros and cons to both kinds of TCKs. Neither of us
would swap our experiences for anything. We both loved our childhood
and appreciate the impact it has had on us and the experiences we
had, but we also have to come to terms with the way it still affects
who we are and the way we live now.
So now Dan (and I, in between having kids!) work in a school which is
pretty much full of TCKs who have amazing stories to tell about
their lives, who are being shaped by their upbringing here in Nepal
and their experiences in a truly international school. Many of them
speak multiple languages, have lived all over the world. These kids
are our world's future. They are our future diplomats and leaders in organisations such as the UN and the EU. These children will have an amazing and unknowable affect on
our world because of the experiences they have had.
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Helping with some homework! |
However, these children also need lots of support. Every year at
KISC we see our student and staff bodies turn over, sometimes by as much as a third.
So even those students who have lived here for years are constantly
going through transition, saying goodbyes and starting again with
new people. It is important they do this well, especially those
leaving, as how successfully they leave a place has a big impact on
how well they settle into a new place.
For many of our students
"home" is where their family is, not a place. So we try and help
prepare students to go back to "home" countries that don't feel like
home. We do this in lessons by getting them to do projects about
their home countries so they know about things such as the politics
and geography there as well as other things. But they also need
emotional support through the transitions, people they can talk to
about their hopes and fears, and also to help them grieve as they
say their farewells. A family who left last year got their
children to write down what they were looking forward to and what worried
them in returning to their "home" country, as well as what they would and wouldn't miss about Nepal. They could then talk about these things
and help their children process their feelings about it all.
The TCKs we work with at KISC are some of the most amazing young
people we have ever had the privilege of working with. They are
having an amazing childhood. But they are also children who deserve the
best education we can give them and who need our love and support as
we help them through their very abnormal childhoods!
(If you want to know more about TCKs then I would recommend you find
something written by Dave Pollack. If you are supporting TCKs or considering moving overseas then "Families on the move" by
Marion Knell is a good book.)